Bud the Cowboy……………..

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany …

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says Bud.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.”

“Now give me back my dog.”

AND THAT FOLKS IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.

“HAPPY MOTHERS DAY”

“HAPPY MOTHERS DAY”

Classmates!!

 

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN’T LOOK THAT OLD?
 
WELL .. . . YOU’LL LOVE THIS……..
 
 
MY NAME IS MARY , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
 
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
 
 
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
 
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
 
 
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
 
 
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .
 
YES. YES, I DID. I’M A MUSTANG,’ HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
 
 
WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?’ I ASKED.
 
 
HE ANSWERED, ‘IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?’
 
 
YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!’, I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
 
 
THEN, THAT UGLY,
     
OLD,
     
BALDING,
     
WRINKLED FACED,
     
FAT-ASSED,
     
GRAY-HAIRED,
   
DECREPIT,
 
MISERABLE,
   
SON-OF-A-BITCH
   
ASKED…
 
“WHAT DID YOU TEACH” ?

 

 

 

Happy Easter To All My Friends……………

“HAPPY EASTER TO ALL MY FRIENDS”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Montana Restaurant……………..

The radio station America FM was doing one of  its ‘Is Anyone Listening?’  bits this morning. The first question was; ‘Ever have a celebrity come up with the “Do you know who I am routine”. A woman called the station and said that a few years ago, while visiting her cattle rancher uncle in Billings, MT,   She had occasion to go to dinner at a restaurant that does not take reservations.  The wait was about 45 minutes; many local ranchers and their wives were waiting.

 

Ted Turner and his ex-wife Jane Fonda came in the restaurant and wanted a table. The hostess informed them that they’d have to wait 45 minutes.   Jane Fonda asked the hostess, “Do you know who I am?”

 

The hostess answered, “Yes, but you’ll have to wait 45 minutes.”

 

Then Jane asked if the manager was in.  When the manager came out, he asked, “May I help you?” “Do you know who we are?”, both Ted and Jane asked.

 

Yes, but these folks have been waiting, and I can’t put you ahead of them.

 

Then Ted asked to speak to the owner.  The owner came out, and Jane  again asked, “Do you know who I am?”

 

The owner answered, “Yes, I do.  And do you know who I am?  I’m the owner of this restaurant and I am a Vietnam Veteran.  Not only will you not get a table ahead of my friends and neighbors who have been waiting here, but you also will not be eating in my restaurant tonight or any other night. Good bye.”

 

Only in America, is this a great country or what?

 

To all who received this, this is a true story and the name of the  steak house is: Sir Scott’s Oasis Steakhouse
204 W. Main St. Manhattan, MT  59741
(406) 284-6929

 

If you ever get  by there, give this fellow a sharp salute, buy a steak, and tip the waitress. They have ten steaks on their simple menu from 32 oz. to 12 oz. Toothpicks on every  table!

 

Keep passing this on.  We should never forget the “national traitors” that live amongst us!

 

“Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian”   – Henry Ford

 

 

In the year 2013, the Lord came unto Noah………….

This was something I ran across this morning and wanted to share with you .

In the year 2013, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America and said: “Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.”  “Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.”

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”  Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no Ark.”Noah!,” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”

“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed.”  “I needed a Building Permit.”  “I’ve been arguing with the Boat Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.”

“My homeowners association claim that I’ve violated the Neighborhood by-laws by building the Ark in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision.”

“Then the City Council and the Electricity Company demanded a boat load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it.”

“Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl.”  “I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go!”

“When I started gathering the animals, PETA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.”

“Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on Your proposed flood.”

“I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.”

“The Immigration Dept. Is checking the visa status of most of the people who want to work.”  “The labor unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with ark-building experience.”

“To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.”  “So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark.”

“Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine and a rainbow stretched across the sky.”

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”

“No,” said the Lord. “The Democrats beat me to it.”

“HAPPY SAINT PATRICK’S DAY”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Obey Gun Control Laws?

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“HAPPY VALENTINES”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just proves how media influences our young children’s minds and how they can be so confused so easily—–but is still funny!

This proves how media influences our young children’s minds and how they can be so confused so

easily—–but is still funny!

A Baptist pastor was presenting a children’s sermon on the resurrection!During the

sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking

questions during children’s sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children

questions in front of acongregation can also be very dangerous. Having asked the children

if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called

on him and the little boy said, “I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than

four hours you are supposed to call the doctor.” It took over ten minutes for the

congregation to settle down enough from their laughter for the worship service to be

continued………….LOL!